Labels: lover/introvert

lover:
Webster's definition:

noun lov·er \ˈlə-vər\

: a partner in a romantic or sexual relationship

: someone with whom a married person is having a love affair

: a person who loves something

Well as a lover I have forgotten what that is. I do have a fiancee who means the world to me as well as my kids.  But there is no intimacy in our relationship. I fear we have lost it along the way since having our son 10 months ago. Most of it would be my fault. After giving birth my body changed and so did my self image. Where I once loved my body now I cannot stand to see it in the mirror.  I have gained weight, I have gotten worse skin on my face than before. I would never judge anyone else on their appearances but I cannot say the same for myself.  I no longer recognize myself, which is probably why I am on this journey.  

I love my fiancee very much. We have a fantastic open relationship.  He is the first man to actually let me be me.  He loves me for me (well at least he says he does). So with my new or old issues with my body have resurfaced we have not been intimate nor have we found the time to do that. Since he is a student and works part time. I am a mother of a 10 month old, and taking care of the household cleaning. We barely have time for each other.  

So now we just need to find the time to reconnect the lovers in us together.  


introvert:

verb in·tro·vert \ˈin-trə-ˌvərt\

Definition of INTROVERT

transitive verb

:  to turn inward or in upon itself: as

a :  to concentrate or direct upon oneself

b :  to produce psychological introversion in

or

noun

: a shy person : a quiet person who does not find it easy to talk to other people

So as I have mentioned before I am known as an introvert. I tend to stick to myself and its not usually a problem.  Although as of lately I have become restless with being stuck at home all the time while I see everyone I know have lives. Gotta love Facebook.  I am happy for them, but I feel lonely.  The loneliness is not cause no one is around.  (I hate our apt, which is why I never invite anyone over.) I just spend all day talking to a 10 month old who doesn't talk back except babbles and spits at me. God love him, he is my bundle of joy. 

Now in the past I have been and extrovert, depends on the company I keep. See rule #4 in the manifesto of an introvert above.  I agree it is good to be able to put yourself out there.  But just remember that if you do put yourself out there do not lose yourself in the process.

I have lost most of my train of thought on these two labels. So I shall say "Adieu!" for now. 

Thanks and much love to you all,
M.P.