Personality vs attitude :)

Getting anxious much???

As I have written I am moving.   

Have you ever gotten news (good news) that excites you and you cannot wait to begin a new journey? 
Have you ever felt like the waiting for it to come is too much to bear?
Hell, I have.  I am right now.  I have started packing and don't get possession of the new place till July 1st  lmao 
I should have everything ready by then I suspect. Or close to it anyways. The only thing I dread is the actual move and the changing of addresses to everything. I always seem to forget one thing or another. I have made lists of all who has my address.  Yet I always lose that list..... Le sigh!.......


One of these days I might settle down into a house that we own and not have to move for a long long while. 

I am looking forward to this new chapter in my life. It will be an adjustment for sure. Since it is further from work. But we must do what we must to survive this wretched world sometimes.  



So now that I have ranted my rant for the day. I am heading back to the grind to pack some more........lol 

Moving on.....

So since last post.... things have gone better.  

Got a call from housing and we will be moving for July 1st. I am looking forward to it. Since this will help me save some money. At least I hope so anyways.  

Unfortunately it is not the best area of town but it isn't the worst either. I take comfort in that. I keep getting comments that be careful there is lots of robberies and other stuff in that neighbourhood. Don't people realise that those things happen everywhere. Why must everyone burst my bubble so to speak.  

I am getting tired of those comments. If they wish for me to live in a nicer area of town they can pay my rent and bills. 

If they are not willing than I wish they would just shut up and keep their comments to themselves.  

Is that so hard to ask?  
Yes I think nowadays it is.  Everyone must have an opinion on how to live your life and what you should be doing. 

This rant will not be long cause I am happy to have found a place with three bedrooms and will be cheaper than what I am paying now for a two bedroom with no patio. (yes no patio is a sticking point for me, I feel like a caged mouse in this apt.)

Just cause....

The weekend....

So I went up to my hometown this weekend for my cousins reception.   It was a lovely night out but I also realized a few things.  I miss my hometown of Cornwall and I miss my family and friends that I have there.  By family I mean my sister and her kids, cause at the reception I felt like an outsider. Although most of my life I felt like the black sheep of that side of my family.  All my cousins are close in age,  none are close to mine so they all hang out together and don't really include anyone else. That could be cause none of them have kids I don't know.  That is how I feel, love them to pieces but I don't feel any kinship at all.  


I always see on facebook all the parties and get together that my so called friends, friends and family have together.  All the pictures of happy times.  Don't get me wrong I am happy for them but also feel left out.  Could this be my depression rearing it's ugly head again or am I just being petty.  I'm not sure anymore.  Right now I feel like crawling into a hole and staying there and not come out at all.  I don't want to impose on anyone or have anyone invite me out somewhere out of pity.  

Just the thought of asking if I wouldn't mind joining would be a great start. Even if I cannot make it, it's great to be asked.  I don't mean get asked every single time that's for sure that is a bit selfish don't you think. lol 

So needless to say this is a bad week for me. 

Just cause I had nothing to write today lol

stressed out a bit :(

So as most of my friends know. I am on maternity leave.  Right now I am stressed about money and child care once my maternity leave ends at the beginning of July. 

I have been asked by many of my co-workers "Are you coming back?"  My answer is always yes but not sure if I would stay.  My reasoning for that answer is this, I cannot afford child care. Then I cannot afford to not work cause of bills and my car. So I am stuck between a rock and a hard place so they say.  

What am I to do, I can go onto welfare which I hate because I am able to work. But then again I don't really like leaving my child with strangers. So what am I to do....

If I go back to my part time job cause they don't have full time positions anymore. I will have to try and find another job. Which I have two but the one doesn't guarantee me any hours.   So I cannot count on that job.

Yes many of you are probably saying "don't you have a fiancee", yes I do.  But he is a student at the moment, so he isn't allowed to work more than 12 hours a week.  That does not pay his bills, let alone help me with mine.  He tries but its not enough.   

I have applied for housing and they told me the wait list is over 6 months for a 3 bedroom. I am getting very frustrated with the waiting.  It has been over 6 months, I am still waiting.  

So now its crunch time to try and find affordable daycare, plus a third job.  Which means I will never get to see my family.  I know we must do what we have to, to provide for our families.  But it still sucks ass.  

With my daughter I was single and had to go on welfare.  I didn't have to work for 5 years cause she was home full time. But that still didn't leave me with much money.  Plus I didn't have a car back then. 

I swear I need to find me a "SUGAR mama/papa" lol  or win the damn lottery. 

Rant over for the day. 

Thanks and much love 
M.P.